Retirement

Years ago, my dad took 'early retirement,' but he got bored and went back to work. Eventually, he was full-time again behind a desk, promoted, and was back to the same old grind. He ended up with the same situation: 'early retirement.' He again was bored. He never lost touch with all his old coworkers, and he was signed back on to do his same old job as a temp. Finally, they told him they had to let him go again, and finally, he decided enough was enough and stopped working. He's probably bored again. But I think he's finally done with having a full-time job.

He's 74 and has only been fully retired for about a year or two now. Sorry, Dad, but I just don't understand this whole being bored thing after retirement. I'm ready to retire right now. And I will be so busy. I don't know how I manage now! Here's how the typical day will look:

8am, rise and shine. Put the coffee on. If it's nice out, take a stroll in the backyard.
8-9:30, Squawk Box, catch up on e-mail, the news online, send some message to friends who still work and make fun of them (yes, every single day), do a little stock researching online.
9:30-10, minor details in the house, like put dishes away, clean the coffee pot, counters, etc.
10, shower
10:30-11:30, the morning constitutional. Walk downtown or ride the bike. Make the trip to the bank, post office, stores, buy a lottery ticket, buy gas or get the car washed, restock the Mike's Hard Lemonade. There's always one or two things that need getting done.
11:30/12noon, oh look it's time for lunch. I'm sure one of those working stiffs that I emailed this morning is available to have lunch. If not, make a quick sandwich or bowl of soup at home. Check into my E*Trade accounts and see how I'm doing today.
Afternoon, after lunch. This is the main event of the day. It's always going to be something. And it will also depend on who is around today. There's so much to do: driving range, tennis, bowling, movies (can you say bargain matinee!), shopping, stay home and garden or mow, head to The Wine Library to restock. Or I have that appointment at the day spa.
After that. If the main event wasn't something too taxing, I'm off to the gym. I hope to be there by 3/4. Since I plan on being a dirty old man, this all depends on when the college boys tend to be there. Schedule for optimum gawking time.
Early evening, friends will be getting out of work. And it's time to start cooking dinner. I'll have plenty of time to cook, so there will be people coming over regularly.
7pm. Dinner at my house or go out to eat.
8pm, watch whatever DVD I have from netflix.
After the movie, check in on emails, see if anyone responded to any of my online personals for 'vgl older gentleman with very good hands.'
11pm-midnight, send the male escort home and go to bed.

This is all on top of the many day trips and vacations I will have planned. And of course, I'll have people interrupting this schedule regularly -- 'hey i'm off on Tuesday -- let's go to The Borgata.'

I don't know -- I think I'm ready for retirement, RIGHT NOW.