Let Me Make This Clear...

NEW YORK (AP) -- Fagblogger Po and his friend Jill Potts want to be clear: they are not straight.

In the August issue of AP, the Asbury Park Magazine, the local personality explains that some people misunderstand his close friendship with Potts.

"I understand why people think we're straight," she says. "There isn't a definition in our culture for this kind of bond between people. So I get why people have to label it -- how can you be this close without it being sexual?"

In a long article, Po, 39, and Potts converse about their 30 years of friendship and "four-times-a-day text messages."

The two friends say they would have no problem telling the public if they were in a sexual relationship.

"The truth is, if we were straight, we would tell you, because there's nothing wrong with being straight," says Potts.

Says Po: "Something about this relationship feels otherworldly to me, like it was designed by a power and a hand greater than my own. Whatever this friendship is, it's been a very fun ride."

An Interesting Description

I just said this about someone. Perhaps you know what I mean. Perhaps you know someone just like the guy I was describing:

"Sure, he's brilliant. But he's brilliant in his own little world."

A Little Change in My Pocket?

Am I the only one that thinks the new $10 bill looks like somebody spilled their coffee on it? Every time I pull one of my pocket, I think it might still be wet.

Watering and Scratching My Way through April

ACK! ALLERGY SEASON!

I wish I could take my eyeballs out, wash them, and put them back in.

I wonder... do animals get allergies? You never see a squirrel using a nasal spray.

Not to Be Uncaring, But...

There is something intrinsically wrong with these news stories today...

[from cnn.com...]
"The teens planned to wear black trench coats and disable the school's camera system before starting the attack between noon and 1 p.m. Thursday, Norman said. Sheriff's deputies found guns, ammunition, knives and coded messages in the bedroom of one suspect and documents about firearms and references to Armageddon in two suspects' school lockers.

Apparently, they had been plotting since the beginning of the school year. Norman said school officials began investigating Tuesday after learning a threatening message had been posted on MySpace.com."

And with this comment from a parent who lived near the kidnapper-rapist of two teenage girls...

[again, from cnn.com]...
"My kids stayed down there, camped down there with him and cooked down there with him," said Donna McGee, who knew Hinson for four years. "Nobody ever suspected anything."


Are you kidding me? It's time for a new national mantra. It's probably one of the most difficult things one can say, especially in situations like these, but I can't help thinking it. You don't want to hear it, but you know you're thinking it, too....

BLAME THE PARENTS!

THERE SHOULD BE A LAW!

This might be a bit specific, but...

If you work from home, and you live across the street from an office building, and you're a nudist, and you're not Nick Lachey, you should be required to have blinds.

Free Stuff

I think the Internet has officially overextended its usefulness. My babymomma told me about a website where you can give things away. So much for online selling, bartering, auctioning. Now you can just give away that crap that didn't sell at your last garage sale. I know you're all dying to know. It's called freecycling. The main website is freecycle.org where you can then find the freecycle group for your area. They usually take the form of a Yahoo Group. People post stuff they have that they don't need, and instead of throwing it out, you offer it to other people in your neighborhood. The more selfish option is to post the things you need. How ghetto is that. It's very popular with parents... giving away old clothes their children have outgrown, infant furniture, crib mattresses, etc. People even offer coupons that they aren't going to use.

But some people take it a little bit too far. The things people won't throw out. Broken appliances ["offer: broken radio. Maybe someone good with their hands can make this thing work."] , pieces of lumber, half-used packages of products. My friend recently reported that a woman in her town posted that she had an almost-full box of tampons, and she 'wasn't going to need them anymore.' They were snapped up quickly. Now who's scarier: the woman giving away the opened box of tampons or the woman who took them from a complete stranger? So much for accepting candy from a stranger! Join your local group. It's great entertainment, and you'll feel so much better about yourself. Because once you see the types of freaks there are out there in the world, you'll feel so much more sane and normal. In my area, someone just offered a bag of sand.

Reading

I've been reading THE DARK CHAMBER, by Leonard Cline, first published in 1927, recently reprinted by Cold Spring Press. There's something eery and ominous in the writing. I'm really enjoying it. It's one of those books where not a whole lot happens, you don't really know what's really going on, but you keep imagining so much that it hooks you. The interweaving relationships of the characters all living in this big giant house together draw you in, and I have to say, I'm half way through, and I feel like anything can happen. Nobody tell me! I can't wait to find out what Richard Price is up to with his experiments.

Sometimes She Worries Me...

My coworker just said to me:

"You know, I think the president of Iran is kinda hot."

H.R. Reminder

Remember, April 27 is Bring Your Cretin to Work Day.

So Much for Spring

Here's a pic of the Empire State Building as seen from our offices this morning.
Trust me, it's still there.

The First Sign of Spring

It's officially spring now. The first sign of spring has appeared. I don't mean the cardinal that appeared on my patio this weekend. Nor the fact that the Shake Shack in Madison Square Park has reopened. Nor do I mean that it is 60 degrees out. No, to me the first sign is... well, a sign. The street vendor who sells coffee out of a big aluminum box parked on the curb had a new little sign on his plastic window today:

"ICE COFFE 1.75"

My Dad Is So Lame

He disappears from his blog for weeks on end. And then he thinks posting a picture of me makes up for it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm damn cute, but I feel so used.

Grateful Kittens

Do you know anyone like this? Those pet owners or parents of infants who send you thank-you cards and holiday greetings signed to you by their pets or their infant children? So you get these notes signed, "Thanks so much for the house warming gift. Love, Diana, Pete, Tim, Sue, and Snuggles." Of course the entire thing is in one person's handwriting anyway, so not only do I know Snuggles had no hand in the matter, or paw I guess, I bet Pete has no clue this card went out either. And since during the party Tim spat up on my shoulder ruining my nicest Banana Republic stetch tee, somehow I think he would have mentioned that in the card, 'Hey, sorry about the tee. When I get a little older, two or three, I'll hit you back with some of my birthday money from Snuggles.'

Look, it's not like I'm skeptical, but I have to tell you what I think. I think Diana wrote the thank-you card on her own. I don't think Pete or Sue or Snuggles had anything to do with it. I don't think that the next day at the dinner table, they all agreed, wow it was really nice of Bob to bring that bottle of wine to celebrate our new home. Let's send him a thank-you card. Snuggles leaps up onto the table, next to the salad bowl, to chime in, 'Oh yes, let's. It was a lovely, refined pinot. It definitely deserves a note.'

You know what I want to know? What do these people do for funerals? I think if you're going to do this type of thing. If I'm going to get a note signed by your one-month old thanking me for the terry-cloth blanket and bib set, I think if you're that type of person, you should do it for all occasions. Birthdays, house-warmings, funerals. If Diana's uncle passed away, and I sent a flower arrangement to the funeral home, I'd expect a card, "Hey, thanks for sending those nice carnations to my funeral. All the family was heartened by their beauty and your thoughtfulness. Love, Uncle Ned." In Diana's handwriting, of course.

Who Needs These Directions?

On a fire extinguisher:

"First, carry to fire."

I Think She's Lying

My coworker does this all the time. She'll stand up from her desk and tell us she's going to 'powder her nose.' Now, not that I don't believe her, but I never see her carrying any powder. The other day, when no one was in yet, I went into the women's room to have a look-see. They don't have any powder in there. You know what? I think she's lying. I don't think she IS going to powder her nose. I think she's going to take a poop.

Not Gonna Be a Good Night at Their House

Overheard a man on the street on his cellphone last night,...

"CHARLENE! WE'LL TALK ABOUT THIS WHEN I GET HOME... CHARLENE... CHARLENE... CHARLENE... [pause]... Charlene, it's important for you to realize this is ALL YOUR FAULT!"

poor Charlene... I wish I could offer you a follow-up to this. If anybody knows Charlene, ask her how she's doing.

I want a chair like that!

Graffiti

Written on the wall of a commuter train:

"I'm listening... W."