To iPod or Not To iPod

There are so many issues in the world today. After the election, we are all still a little surprised and dismayed to realize there are so many Bush voters out there. Who are these people? It's more and more important to separate from them. I don't want to shop in their stores, buy their products, meet them, be nice to them. Dog forbid I ever invite one to my home for dinner at unawares.

I take care about everything I do now, every group I join, every organization I claim membership to. I make every attempt to make sure there is no way I could misidentify. I don't order pizza from Domino's. I don't go to church. I cross against the light. I don't watch NASCAR, and I've given up bowling. And I will try as hard as I can not to travel into the Red States (though I may have to make an except for Las Vegas). I want to be identifiable as a Manhattanite, a Blue Stater, a bleeding Liberal, a bitter activist against this regime. Every group I join must profess the same ideals that I do.

With that said, I must now seriously consider whether or not to join a new rising sector of society. Should I buy an iPod? I mean, I just don't know. What kind of people are they? At first thought, I would think, OK, these are folks on the forefront of new technology, movers and shakers, lovers of popular music, hipsters, relatively young in comparison to your typical K-Mart shopper or league bowler. But there's something strange about them, too. What are they listening to in those ubiquitous white earplugs? Is there something going on that I don't know about? Maybe they're linked into the Grand Ol' Conspiracy. Maybe they are part of a People's Army espousing their own form of will against every day man. Could it be that iPod owners were the real swing voters in the election? Maybe they're all listening to Ann Coulter on downloaded audio.

I just don't know. But most importantly, they will never ever get me to give up jaywalking. And somehow I don't think that's the best combination anyway.